You Call That A Sandwich?

Yeah, Yeah, Carmelo Anthony will play for the Knicks next season. Thus, inevitably, local businesses have gotten all excited about it, the Carnegie Deli included. It now features a supposed sandwich in his honor. However, this is not a sandwich.

(sandwich pictured is not the Carmelo)

One of the rules for a sandwich should be the ability to stand on its own. A sloppy meat-pile that needs to lean on its other half to support its own disgusting weight (while also bearing the indignity of having a bad iceberg lettuce toupee and a ratty rye hat balanced precariously on top) is not a sandwich. My whole understanding of a sandwich is that it is convenient, because you're supposed to be able to pick it up and eat it easily.

Also, if you're naming a menu item after a guy named Carmelo, I'd be damned sure to put caramelized onions on it. Instead, this has pastrami, corned beef, salami, bacon, tomato, Russian dressing. Not a caramelized anything in sight. Opportunity lost, Carnegie Deli, opportunity lost.