Lady in Waiting

Oh, Mila Kunis. How unfortunate that you played Natalie Portman's understudy in Black Swan, the film that won Portman an Oscar. Why? Because the fates of release dates have you follow that performance up with you headlining a film--Friends With Benefits--that is more or less the spitting image of No Strings Attached. The latter is a lame film Portman starred in with Ashton Kutcher and which sat on a studio shelf for a while, but was finally released once the Academy started buzzing about her as a psychotic ballerina.

Yeah, poor, poor Mila Kunis. So pretty, so thin, so talented, so always in second place.

Ca Plan Pour Moi

Time Warner is now using Plastic Bertrand's geniusly catchy and fun song "Ca Plan Pour Moi" in a TV commercial. I thought that was odd, 'cause, yeah the song is AMAZING but it's sung completely in French. Also, I know that Elton Motello took the music and rewrote the lyrics for "Jet Boy Jet Girl"  which is a very dirty homoerotic song, which I also love--how could I not with lyrics like "Jet Boy, I'm gonna make you penetrate, I'm gonna make you be a girl, ooooooo-eeeeee-ooooooo, he gives me head".

But then, seeing the French song in this commercial (which hasn't made it to YouTube, thankfully) , I wondered what the French version was actually saying. It's not terribly dirty, but is wonderfully fun and surreal and punk rock.  Hell, it starts with a cat (named Splash, no less!) panting because it's drunk on whisky. Wooo-hooo. I don't think Time Warner knows this, nor does it care. But here you go people, the best English equivalent (apparently it is super colloquial/slangy -- duh -- so it was tough for the translator):

Wham! Bam! my cat Splash
lies on my bed with his tongue puffed out
by drinking all my whisky.
As for me, not enough sleep, drained, persecuted,
I had to sleep in the gutter
where I had a flash
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
in four colours

Allez-oop! One morning
a darling came to my home,
a cellophane puppet with Chinese hair,
a  plaster, a hangover,
drank my beer in a large rubber glass
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
like an Indian in his igloo

This works for me, this works for me
This works for me me me me me
This work for me
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
This works for me

Allez-oop! The chick***, what a gas!
what a vibration!
to be sent on the door mat
filed, ruined, drained, filled
You are the King of the divan!
she says to me in passing
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
I am the King of the divan

This works for me, this works for me
This works for me me me me me
This workss for me
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
This works for me

Allez-oop! Don't mind, don't worry
Don't affect me
It’s not today
that the sky will fall on my head
and I'll be without glue
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
This life’s  for me

Allez-oop! my chick has gone away,
flew away, finally had enough, to break
the sink, the bar, leaving me alone
like a complete jerk
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
I've put my foot in it

This works for me, this works for me
This works for me me me me me
This workss for me
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
This works for me
This workss for me, this works for me
This works for me me me me me

I got this from this site, which also contains the French lyrics--in case anyone out there speaks Frog and wants to take a stab at translating it.):
http://www.david.gibbs.co.uk/plastic/plastic_lyrics.htm