Ca Plan Pour Moi

Time Warner is now using Plastic Bertrand's geniusly catchy and fun song "Ca Plan Pour Moi" in a TV commercial. I thought that was odd, 'cause, yeah the song is AMAZING but it's sung completely in French. Also, I know that Elton Motello took the music and rewrote the lyrics for "Jet Boy Jet Girl"  which is a very dirty homoerotic song, which I also love--how could I not with lyrics like "Jet Boy, I'm gonna make you penetrate, I'm gonna make you be a girl, ooooooo-eeeeee-ooooooo, he gives me head".

But then, seeing the French song in this commercial (which hasn't made it to YouTube, thankfully) , I wondered what the French version was actually saying. It's not terribly dirty, but is wonderfully fun and surreal and punk rock.  Hell, it starts with a cat (named Splash, no less!) panting because it's drunk on whisky. Wooo-hooo. I don't think Time Warner knows this, nor does it care. But here you go people, the best English equivalent (apparently it is super colloquial/slangy -- duh -- so it was tough for the translator):

Wham! Bam! my cat Splash
lies on my bed with his tongue puffed out
by drinking all my whisky.
As for me, not enough sleep, drained, persecuted,
I had to sleep in the gutter
where I had a flash
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
in four colours

Allez-oop! One morning
a darling came to my home,
a cellophane puppet with Chinese hair,
a  plaster, a hangover,
drank my beer in a large rubber glass
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
like an Indian in his igloo

This works for me, this works for me
This works for me me me me me
This work for me
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
This works for me

Allez-oop! The chick***, what a gas!
what a vibration!
to be sent on the door mat
filed, ruined, drained, filled
You are the King of the divan!
she says to me in passing
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
I am the King of the divan

This works for me, this works for me
This works for me me me me me
This workss for me
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
This works for me

Allez-oop! Don't mind, don't worry
Don't affect me
It’s not today
that the sky will fall on my head
and I'll be without glue
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
This life’s  for me

Allez-oop! my chick has gone away,
flew away, finally had enough, to break
the sink, the bar, leaving me alone
like a complete jerk
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
I've put my foot in it

This works for me, this works for me
This works for me me me me me
This workss for me
Oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!
This works for me
This workss for me, this works for me
This works for me me me me me

I got this from this site, which also contains the French lyrics--in case anyone out there speaks Frog and wants to take a stab at translating it.):
http://www.david.gibbs.co.uk/plastic/plastic_lyrics.htm